Treatises For Two Pounds
By Matt Davies
As the world moves on around us the consequences of progress are rarely easy to predict - but surely a small change in monetary denomination can't affect us? Not so argues Matt Davies.
The difference between men and women has kept discussion flowing in pubs, cafes, hideouts and hovels since the dawn of time. Blokes bemoan the mysterious habits of the fairer sex while the ladies lament men's insensitivity, arrogance and failure to master the intricacies of the toilet seat.
Can the sexes ever really understand each other and learn to live in harmony, or are we destined forever to live uncomprehending our partners, lovers and consorts? Well I think I've come across a deep-seated difference that could shed a little light on to an age-old debate; and it's all to do with two-pound coins.
Since the late 1990s the two-pound coin has slowly been creeping its way into the hearts and wallets of the nation, a two-tone circle of joy winking up at you from the palm of your hand. Their introduction has returned that satisfying feeling of having a chunky coin in your hand, a feeling that's not been felt since the fifty-pence piece was savagely downgraded to its current miserly size.
"Women are subconsciously trying to say "look, the world is a beautiful place, live deep and enjoy it"
However, the rise of Britain's newest monetary denomination has also highlighted fundamental differences between the sexes.
It's become increasing apparent to me over the past couple of years that you're much more likely to be receive £2 coins from girls than you are boys. Try it out; next time you're in the supermarket picking up a couple of odds and ends try and engineer to spend less than a pound or just more than a fiver. Pay in cash and I bet you that a female cashier will present you with two lovely shiny two-pound coins.
A male cashier, on the other hand, will way you down with four, probably filthy, pound coins, unless he's feeling particularly vindictive and then you'll be sorting through fourteen 20p pieces for the next fifteen minutes.
Is there something, deep within the male psyche, that prompts men to guard the most precious of coins? Maybe the combination of gold and silver adds to the coins' magnetism, playing on a man's desire for riches and power.
On the flipside maybe the ladies are trying to signal an abundance of treasures - if they can give such valued commodities away, they must be well off.
I have another theory which, as ever, relates back our respective childhoods. Societal constraints mean that girls tend to be brought up to be rather more... demure, taking pleasure in the finer things of life and placing a high value on beauty. By distributing the coins far and wide women are subconsciously trying to say "look, the world is a beautiful place, live deep and enjoy it while you can".
Boys, on the other hand, throw things around until they break. The feeling of a two-pound coin is akin to having the perfect stone in your hand. The stone that took down Goliath. The stone that really could kill two birds. The stone you skipped 18 times across the reservoir back in '89. And if there's one thing for certain - you don't give away the perfect stone for skimming.
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