Go Medieval
By Mark Steer
They knew how to do it back in medieval Britain. You’ve got yourself a suspect witch – how do you find out whether, when they protest their innocence, they’re telling the truth or not? Well that’s easy, put them on trial by fire or water.To be suspected of witchcraft, chances are that you’re suspect isn’t particularly popular with the locals anyway. This genius method has a particular bonus – even if it turns out that your suspect was telling the truth they won’t hold a grudge, they’ll be dead.
So, what were the favoured methods for putting people to the test? Well, trial by fire involved getting them either to carry a red-hot iron bar for nine paces or walk across nine red-hot iron ploughshares. On the premise that God would protect the innocent, anyone who was burned by the simple test could be promptly hanged for being a liar, liar, pants (literally) on fire.
Trial by water had similar subtlety. Take your suspect, put them in a big sack and throw them into a lake. If they float it’s proof of their guilt since they’re rejecting God’s baptismal waters, if they sink they’re innocent after all… and drowned.
EffectivenessAs a method of getting rid of people who’ve ticked you off it’s brilliant. As a bona fide method of getting to the truth, it maybe needs a bit of work or some divine intervention. 0/5
Ethics
By modern standards when we can’t use the word fat for fear of social exclusion, trial by fire or water is probably pushing the bounds of acceptability. 0/5
How to get out of it
You don’t. That’s the idea.
Back to Top Ten Ways to Get the Truth
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