Winner: “Phone sex is fun, but this phone orgy simply isn't working.” Ed Plowden,

“See? I told you phones don't give you brain cancer. They do, however, transfer hair from the top of your head to the bridge of your nose, but it's a small price to pay for progress.” Daryl,

“That's right honey, I'm not wearing a thing.” Mike,

“The Dragon's Den series hit a new low with the inclusion of Amir and his "phone magnet".” Jim Stowe,

“Your message is important to us. Please hold and our consultant will be with you shortly.” Richard Clay, Australia

Winner: “When I said I wanted two Bunny Girls for my stag night this wasn't what I had in mind.” Emma Machin,

“Jon and Jane enjoy their first acid trip, whilst horseriding on holiday.” Jon,

“The virgins desperately hoped that the giant would prefer a nice pair of pink bunny slippers.” Adam Fox,

“Dear Gran, thanks for the bunny slippers, I'm sure I'll grow into them.” Jessica,

“They never travelled anywhere without their lucky rabbits feet.” Ken Wilkinson, UK.

Winner: “Ted prepared for the upcoming family holiday to Spain . . . "donde esté los señora osos?"” James Barlow, UK.

“At first I got the teddy bear to comfort me while I listened to the world news. Now I just let the bear deal with it.” Nancy Chartier, USA.

“Either the headphones aren't working or my ears were never located low enough.” Venkat Maruthamuthu, USA.

“This is your co-pilot, the captain apparently is hibernating, please buckle your seatbelts!” Dan Blake ,

“The Ministry of Sound were slightly disappointed with their new DJ.” Rob, UK.

Winner: “Synchronised dogging.” Mike ,

“It was just a waiting game for Fido and Rex. Next door's cat had to come down eventually and Rex had already secured the bread rolls and dips...” Mike Cutts,

“Jarvis was regretting the adoption of two English pointers.” Serena,

“I hope this obedience class finishes soon - I’m dying for a lamppost.” Ken Wilkinson, UK

“I guess you're right... If you bark in their ear when they're sleeping, they do jump pretty high.” UMBRA,

Winner: “Gerald and his wife quickly realised that the budget breakdown service had not been such a good idea.” Dave Wilson,

“Keep going straight on down this road. If you come to a zebra crossing you've gone too far.” Mark Crockett, Uk

“Excuse me, is this the road to Amarillo?” Pamela, London, UK.

“You'd think they'd give the Monkeys bigger cages wouldn’t you?” Rich,

“Watch out for the leopard's mate, they just love the taste of dog and one Rover is much like another to them.” Ken, UK.

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