An End To Nail Gnashing
By Chris Lochery
It’s a dirty habit, there’s no doubt about it. But chewing on a fingernail is often the work of the unconscious, so much so that cuticle-chompers sometimes aren't aware if and when they are doing it at all, making it incredibly difficult for them to quit.
But nailbiters of the world can breathe a collective sigh of relief. A Dutch cosmetics promoter has found a cure (or, more correctly, a ‘cure’) for this most common of self-destructive disorders.
It works like this:
Rather than attacking the complex and complicated psychological or neurological causes of the habit, the prescribed four-week treatment - which costs $670 (or £330, currency conversion fans) - simply controls the mechanics of nail biting.
With a specially-fitted and barely visible mouthguard, the patient is unable to bite in the same way they usually would, something that apparently really takes the pleasure out of cracking bits of keratin off one’s fingers and toes.
And a course of treatment can be yours for just ¥76,484.
However - and the more astute amongst you may have spotted the inherent flaw already - the ability to bite, unlike a tail or a full-body coat of hair, is something that evolution has deemed as being fairly crucial to the scheme of our continued survival. Biting and chewing are both essential parts of the eating and digestion process without which we would either choke or starve.
Thankfully your 27,041 rupees does afford you the option to remove your mouthguard at any time, so that the jaw can operate as nature intended and you can make light work of your lunch.
But herein lies the rub. While this sort of procedure might be fine for the fairweather nailbiter, the kind of person who most desperately needs this ‘treatment’ is exactly the type who can’t be trusted not to tamper with their mouth gear.
Think about it. Anyone that is so hell bent on gnawing their phlanges down to the quick that they have been told to seek out medical help isn’t realistically going to let some hyped up gum-guard stop them from wreaking havoc with their hands, no matter how much they have to fork out for it.
It’s all a bit of Catch-22 - which is strangely exactly how many thousand Taiwanese Dollars the whole thing costs.
But nailbiters of the world can breathe a collective sigh of relief. A Dutch cosmetics promoter has found a cure (or, more correctly, a ‘cure’) for this most common of self-destructive disorders.
It works like this:
Rather than attacking the complex and complicated psychological or neurological causes of the habit, the prescribed four-week treatment - which costs $670 (or £330, currency conversion fans) - simply controls the mechanics of nail biting.
With a specially-fitted and barely visible mouthguard, the patient is unable to bite in the same way they usually would, something that apparently really takes the pleasure out of cracking bits of keratin off one’s fingers and toes.
And a course of treatment can be yours for just ¥76,484.
However - and the more astute amongst you may have spotted the inherent flaw already - the ability to bite, unlike a tail or a full-body coat of hair, is something that evolution has deemed as being fairly crucial to the scheme of our continued survival. Biting and chewing are both essential parts of the eating and digestion process without which we would either choke or starve.
Thankfully your 27,041 rupees does afford you the option to remove your mouthguard at any time, so that the jaw can operate as nature intended and you can make light work of your lunch.
But herein lies the rub. While this sort of procedure might be fine for the fairweather nailbiter, the kind of person who most desperately needs this ‘treatment’ is exactly the type who can’t be trusted not to tamper with their mouth gear.
Think about it. Anyone that is so hell bent on gnawing their phlanges down to the quick that they have been told to seek out medical help isn’t realistically going to let some hyped up gum-guard stop them from wreaking havoc with their hands, no matter how much they have to fork out for it.
It’s all a bit of Catch-22 - which is strangely exactly how many thousand Taiwanese Dollars the whole thing costs.
Image via adverbox
So you want more? Why not check out:
- Why Irish men get bitten more than women
- The Null's guide to ten deadly biters
- Funny phobias - the dentist's chair
- Chew on a Gummy Bear in aid of research
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