God-zilla: The Second Coming
By Tilbury Hatch
News has broken of an imminent virgin birth this Christmas-time (it's on the BBC, it must be true) - the first reported case confirmed for roughly 2006 years. Flora, a Komodo dragon currently residing in Chester Zoo, has never even seen a male, let alone having cavorted with one; and yet she is with child (well, egg... well eight eggs).
Her offspring are due to hatch on Christmas Day leading all but the most bah-humbuggish of scientists to claim nothing other than divine intervention could have caused the phenomenon.
"We've been waiting over two thousand years for this kind of event" said one leading academic "and by using a reptile as the conduit for his great mercy God is again proving that He's no one-trick pony."
The young, already named God-zilla by some eager believers, are expected to head out into the world to bring relief to suffering reptiles on all continents. "We've already had a call from Berlin Zoo asking whether we will send one of the young to them as their pythons have been awfully droopy recently." said Chester Zoo curator Finlay Guest.
Reports of three wise iguanas trying to board a flight to Manchester from Athens have been dismissed by skeptics as a crass publicity stunt. The iguanas were detained for questioning by airport security in Greece for carrying suspect packages.
Mass hysteria continues to build amongst human and reptilian populations, with David Icke expected to address both within the next few hours. God help us all.
Merry Christmas!
Her offspring are due to hatch on Christmas Day leading all but the most bah-humbuggish of scientists to claim nothing other than divine intervention could have caused the phenomenon.
"We've been waiting over two thousand years for this kind of event" said one leading academic "and by using a reptile as the conduit for his great mercy God is again proving that He's no one-trick pony."
The young, already named God-zilla by some eager believers, are expected to head out into the world to bring relief to suffering reptiles on all continents. "We've already had a call from Berlin Zoo asking whether we will send one of the young to them as their pythons have been awfully droopy recently." said Chester Zoo curator Finlay Guest.
Reports of three wise iguanas trying to board a flight to Manchester from Athens have been dismissed by skeptics as a crass publicity stunt. The iguanas were detained for questioning by airport security in Greece for carrying suspect packages.
Mass hysteria continues to build amongst human and reptilian populations, with David Icke expected to address both within the next few hours. God help us all.
Merry Christmas!
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