Star Letter: Global Cooling
By Ofar Quarson
Another week, just another solution to Global Warming? Not this time. Here's a master plan with success written all over its cold-box.
Dear Friends of the Earth,
It seems that this summer will be even warmer than the last. With each hotter summer the problem of ‘Global Warming’ is becoming more and more of an issue.
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However, I believe that I have stumbled upon a remedy to counteract the adverse effects caused. The idea sprang to mind last evening after returning from the Beauford Hunt. After a day of exhaustive but successful pest control I felt overheated and truly parched, so I headed for the refrigerator. Upon opening the door I was refreshed by an overwhelming blast of cool air, which was new to me but obviously not the butler. Suddenly my superior mind went into overdrive.
Refrigerator
----------------- = Global Warming
Door Closed
Refrigerator
----------------- = Global Cooling
Door Open
Hey presto!
Who needs Flash Gordon? I believe that I single handily have saved the planet. I have already encouraged over 1,000 friends, friends of friends and friends of friends of friends to put my formula into practice by leaving their refrigerator doors open for two hours every evening.
I would like to hear your response on this discovery and whether you will consider supporting my ‘Cool the Earth guys’ campaign, I also recently sent correspondence of this campaign to the Queen and am expecting Royal acknowledgement and a possible Knighthood.
Yours truly,
Professor Ofar Quarson,
Kalamazoo Institute of Philosophy and Physics
More on global warming, Null-style:
- Strange - The Null's $25 million answer
- News - Crocs crocked by warming
- Spoof - Climate chaos solved again
- News - Global warming targets space
Your Say:
Dear sir, as a student of engineering, I can assure you that this attempt is completely misguided. Leaving refrigerator doors open will not only not cause global cooling, but also make the refrigerator consume more power. I'll explain : According to the the law of thermodynamics, to cool a body, work has to be done. The refrigerator cools the interior by expelling heat out, but it expels more heat than is absorbed from the interior. So, it cools the interior, but on the whole, heats up the "universe". So, if you were to leave the refrigerator door open in a closed room, you'll observe that the room gets warmer, as more heat is being expelled than absorbed. The best you can do to prevent global warming is not to use a refrigerator at all.
Anand - shooting down yet another great theory. The search for answers carries on...
But then again...
Dear sir, as a PhD professor at Burgundi Institute of Pataphysics, i can assure you that your theory is completely right. Assuming that you connect the fridge in parallel mode, and as long as you open the doors in front of the back of next fridge, the coolness provided can almost freeze my White Russian cocktails. During experiments, the study group i'm in charge here concluded that the best number of opened fridge is equal to the volume of the room divided by the number of cocktails you want to drink. Don't hesitate to share your next brilliant ideas on this website, and don't listen to 'students'.
Cordialy, Dr. F.Comte, Phd. eMBA.
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