We're In For A Pasting
By Barney Grenfell
Metrology1 has finally conquered one of its greatest foes - paste. After intensive research and a great deal of legal wrangling a measure for paste amounts has finally been agreed by the Bureau International des Poids et Mesures2 .The French bureau admits that finding a suitable measure for paste has been one of the toughest challenges it has ever faced. Claude Pompidou, spokesman for the bureau, said yesterday, "It is a tremendous relief. We have really struggled to find an appropriate measure for paste for a long time; something which would be consistent with Le Système International D'Unités but which would also allow people to make really accurate measurements of paste of all kinds.
"After intensive research we realised that the kilogramme/gram measure was simply failing to allow for the intrinsically pastey nature of paste. And people just weren’t comfortable discussing paste in these terms."When asked what his team had done about this, Professor Pompidou talked some more for a really long time. "We realised something was needed which would allow much more accurate measurements but would also allow for the unique nature of paste. It is a bit squishy, a bit gooey... It has a certain I don’t know what…
"In the end we turned to nature for inspiration. Perhaps there was some kind of vegetable that we could use to measure paste in that people would be able to relate to."
A number of options were considered before finally the pea was settled upon.
"We did think about aubergine, cucumber, potato,’’ says Pompidou. “But these were all too big in the context of your average amount of paste. In the end we went for the simple bean."
However detractors of the new measurement are numerous. Children’s toothpaste manufacturers the world over are up in arms. "We have always used the phrase "a pea sized amount" to indicate to our consumers the amount of toothpaste that they should be putting on their children’s brushes. This change to beans has really put the wind up us."
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Fig. 1: The eighth base unit |
Despite its controversial nature the beans/peas debate is too little too late. An eighth has been added to the seven base units of SI measurement (Figure one) and all the complaining won’t amount to a hill of beans.
Some confusion is anticipated as people adjust to yet another new system of measurement introduced by the bureau.
To help those people adjust more quickly the Null would like to offer this simple conversion factor:
1 bean (of paste) = 1.395 peas (or 3.8 grammes)3
To find the amount of paste you need in beans simply divide the amount in peas by 1.395 to get the answer you need.
1 Scientific study of weights and measures.
2 International Bureau of Weights and Measures, in France.3 This is based on the standard bean measure, a real bean kept in the Bureau’s head quarters in Paris in a hermetically sealed tupperware container.
More stupid stuff:
- Almost true - Tiddlywinks solved
- Blatant lies - Scientists test the ark
Something a bit different?
- Mad - Helpline for pot plants
- No way - NASA's $19 million toilet
Share this
