Calls To Ban Remembrance Day Poppies
Government officials and health charities are calling for a ban on the use of poppies for Remembrance Day services due to concerns over the dangerous levels of pin use.
Research commissioned by the charity PrickAware revealed that, in the week running up to Remembrance Day, over 35 million pins will be used in the UK alone to pin paper poppies to clothing. 68% of these, a staggering 24 million pins, will be lost by careless owners with serious possible consequences.
“24 million lost pins is roughly equivalent to a shocking 2.5 tonnes of vicious spikes being launched into our environment”, said PrickAware spokesman Ralph Lothario, “that’s a rhino’s worth of nickel-plated steel lying in wait – ready to strike. Pins are a very real threat in modern society; we hear stories of pin-related injuries and nickel itch day in, day out. It’s only a matter of time before we see the UK’s first full-scale outbreak of pin-death.”
Junior health minister Candy Gibbons supported the campaign. In an interview with the Null she said “Public safety issues are of primary concern to this Government. We are always looking at ways in which we might be able to cut down the use of pins and other potentially dangerous items. We have a very strong record in this department; last year, for instance, our deployment of facemasks to all children under the age of 5 cut the incidence of caterpillar-eating disorders by almost 58%.”
She went on to suggest that thimbles should be provided via the NHS. “The health service is annually inundated at this time of year with several severe pin-injuries. In response British citizens will be required to wear thimbles on each finger for a period of 12 days around Remembrance Day. It is only by taking such strong action that the government can safeguard the safety of the public.”
Ms Gibbons stated that the expected £360m burden that the new reforms will place on the health service could be handled as long as there was some “streamlining of nursing staff and practices”.
Some opposition to the plans is expected.
Research commissioned by the charity PrickAware revealed that, in the week running up to Remembrance Day, over 35 million pins will be used in the UK alone to pin paper poppies to clothing. 68% of these, a staggering 24 million pins, will be lost by careless owners with serious possible consequences.
“24 million lost pins is roughly equivalent to a shocking 2.5 tonnes of vicious spikes being launched into our environment”, said PrickAware spokesman Ralph Lothario, “that’s a rhino’s worth of nickel-plated steel lying in wait – ready to strike. Pins are a very real threat in modern society; we hear stories of pin-related injuries and nickel itch day in, day out. It’s only a matter of time before we see the UK’s first full-scale outbreak of pin-death.”
Junior health minister Candy Gibbons supported the campaign. In an interview with the Null she said “Public safety issues are of primary concern to this Government. We are always looking at ways in which we might be able to cut down the use of pins and other potentially dangerous items. We have a very strong record in this department; last year, for instance, our deployment of facemasks to all children under the age of 5 cut the incidence of caterpillar-eating disorders by almost 58%.”
She went on to suggest that thimbles should be provided via the NHS. “The health service is annually inundated at this time of year with several severe pin-injuries. In response British citizens will be required to wear thimbles on each finger for a period of 12 days around Remembrance Day. It is only by taking such strong action that the government can safeguard the safety of the public.”
Ms Gibbons stated that the expected £360m burden that the new reforms will place on the health service could be handled as long as there was some “streamlining of nursing staff and practices”.
Some opposition to the plans is expected.
Share this
