Really Wish I Hadn’t...
By Andrew Impey
Biological Sciences, University of Bristol, Bristol, BS8 1UG.
The mission was easy - under cover of darkness, drive to some lakes near an RAF base and record what ducks get up to at night. Simple, what could possibly go wrong? Yes it was winter and yes it was freezing cold, but science is a quest for knowledge, at least that's what it said on the Ph.D. self help tape. It only cost £5.99 yet within 30 minutes it had me truly believing that duck counting was of vital importance to national security.
Fieldwork is all about mental strength, a constant battle between good and evil. (i.e. being in the pub or not)… So it was a cold, wet night and the ducks were up to all sorts of dodgy stuff.
Then, with no warning, with the stealth of a stealth-like creature and as cunning as a cunning fox, the police appeared. What was I doing near an RAF base at 2 a.m. wearing combat gear, a balaclava, carrying a high-powered torch and a notebook? Counting ducks of course!
The boys in blue warned me that if I was to avoid being detained, I'd have to come up with a better story than ducks. Perhaps I should have said I was picking mushrooms, or searching for my lost kitten called Derek, or maybe even just out for an evening stroll. In the space of just three minutes I had metamorphosised from a student - cheeky scoundrel - weirdo - drunk - duck rustler - freak - possible terrorist to be arrested at gunpoint! And another thing, just how was I able to see these ducks? “With my night-vision equipment officer.” Now in hindsight, I really wish I hadn’t said that.......!
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