Dumbed Up Science

Real headlines, no research. Scanning the science news, Tabitha Lloyd gives a simple interpretation for the lay person – without having necessarily bothered to read the article first.

Physics lab completes world's largest jigsaw puzzle

A physics laboratory in Cambridgeshire now holds the official title for having made the largest jigsaw puzzle in the world. The jigsaw, each side of which is 100m long, has been put together in what was previously a large, underground particle physics laboratory. Much of the equipment that was filling the space was sold to fund the cost of creating and completing the puzzle. It is hoped that the publicity gained from this event will help persuade the government not to introduce proposed funding cuts to the physical sciences. Scientists from the lab were unable to comment due to being busy with their next project – building the world’s largest tiddlywink. (Actual story)

Model Identifies Targets for Eradication of Malaria

Moss: Dazzled scientists at a recent meeting

Supermodel Kate Moss made a surprise appearance at an international infectious diseases conference yesterday to announce the findings of her research group’s studies of malaria. Moss and her team, based at TopShop HQ in London, are developing a new programme to combat the disease. Their preliminary results suggest fashion could play an important role in transmission of the malaria bug by mosquitoes. They have found, for instance, that donning a pair of giant dangly earrings and a boob tube is sufficient to eliminate all mosquitoes from within a five kilometre radius of a potential carrier. (Actual story)

Insecticide combo delivers knockout punch

A professional boxer has been jailed for three years for using performance enhancing insecticides. Suspicions arose about Olympic flyweight silver medallist, Buzz Dieldrin, when he entered the ring with visibly bulging eyes during a world championship fight in December 2006. He then tested positive for six different types of bug zapper, although there has since been intense discussion about whether these could have improved his performance. Scientists now say the cocktail of insecticides he was consuming could have combined to help him achieve the high level of aggression required to bag his Olympic boxing medal. (Actual story)

Obesity chokes up cellular power plant

Cellular phone giant Orange has blamed fat employees for holding up progress at its new battery manufacturing plant in Leamington Spa in the UK. Factory manager, Jeff Gardner, complained yesterday that his workers were taking too long to move boxes of batteries from one end of the plant to the other. Mena Suvari, who once played Joan of Arc in an advert for the company, was heard by a Null reporter to comment, “I hate fatties. I just hope they haven’t had their sweaty hands on my batteries.” (Actual story)

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