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Does God have a PhD?

Does God have a PhD?

By Dr. Geoff Halsey
London University, UK.

Once again, an accumulation of what I have found through various resources - I can’t claim to have written them, but the collecting work is all mine.

Why God doesn’t have a PhD:
  • He had only one major publication. 
  • It had no references. 
  • It wasn't published in a peer-reviewed journal. 
  • Some even doubt he wrote it by himself. 
  • It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 
  • His co-operative efforts have been quite limited. 
  • The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 
  • He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects. 
  • When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 
  • When subjects didn’t behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 
  • He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book. 
  • Some say he had his son teach the class. 
  • He expelled his first two students for learning. 
  • Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 
  • His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop

Why God may have a PhD:

  • His publication is incredibly well cited. 
  • No matter the time of day and no matter where they were, he’s always watching his experiments.
  • He has the largest and most statistically relevant sample. (Although he began with only two subjects.)
  • Although his office hours were infrequent, one could always call for him wherever he was, or try to contact him via one of his numerous secondary offices. 
  • Even if he invented the universe, life and love and also wrote the most known masterpiece, he never complained for not obtaining a Nobel Prize in either physics, medicine, physiology, peace or literature (respectively). 
  • His examiners never found a question he could not answer.
  • He was so dedicated, that he even included his son in his experiments.
  • And to finish, he did all this at a time where no company sold enzymes, power supplies, lab equipment etc. and also had to analyse his results without Excel or even a portable calculator!

I think all this proves he deserves an honorary PhD.

Why He doesn’t give a damn about a PhD:

  • He’s the boss. 
  • His only publication is still the most influential in the field, with millions of citations a year.
  • Sure He didn’t write it Himself, but with 12 grad students, would you? 
  • Everybody says “Amen” to His opinions. 
  • Disagree with Him, and you may end up in hell. 
  • He's well known for being a hard worker: six days a week non-stop; rests only on the 7th. 
  • Nobody can beat His 4.5 billion years of field work and 3.5 billion years of DNA expertise. 
  • Most agree He was the first one to be awarded a Nobel prize. Nobel himself. 
  • His research facilities are simply the best: Even well funded scientists will admit they work in conditions which are “far from Heaven” when asked. 
  • He doesn’t depend on grant money.

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16 Aug 2010
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