Inorganic is Inacceptable!

By Scary Boots

Following that clever sticker campaign to label genetically modified food, we thought the spectre of glowing green triffids stalking across the landscape was vanquished for good.

The initial crusade against frankenfoods had been successful; piles of freshly roasted vegetables lay on tables all over the country, just waiting for the winners to tuck in. The few pro-GM survivors eking out a precipitous existence in mountain caves.

Our supermarkets were no longer the source of moral debates: one could happily chuck everything one required in one's basket without having to engage brain. But now. Now, the shadows are closing in again.

"These inorganic materials go unlabelled, stealthily, under the radar, into your basket..."

Inorganic produce, ladies and gentlemen. It sounds insidious. A little like organic… you could say it fast and not notice. But they are fundamentally different.

Inorganic foods contain no vitamins, proteins or carbs, and will certainly not contribute to your five a day. They cannot even form part of an Atkins diet. Studies have showed they can be lethal to sea creatures, and this reporter personally thinks they look untrustworthy.

But these inorganic materials make up at least some of your daily shop. They go unlabelled, stealthily under the radar and into your basket, removing money from your wallet as they go before nestling like cuckoos in your canvas Conran shopping bag.

Worse still, they may be mixed in with other goods; goods that you may have been feeding your family for years. Imagine the guilt when as a proud mother you realise you've been feeding little Molly organic, blessed-by-the-pope, contains pure love™ strained mixed veg through an inorganic funnel! What couldn't happen?

How do you tell when your shopping is inorganic? Inorganics may have no smell, and many have no taste. A telltale sign is a shiny, smooth surface, and a promise of secure packaging. A ringing, metallic sound can also indicate morally unsound inorganic compounds.

Common key words that indicate the Evil Lurking Within are 'Tinned', 'Ready to cook' and 'Personal hygiene products'.

The manufacturers responsible for these abominations will claim that they don't need to be organic. Claim that the fact they're not organic can't hurt. Well, didn't they say the same about nuclear power? And look at Chernobyl.

You are what you eat! We need double carbon bonds! Double carbon bonds in everything! Inorganic is inacceptable!

Click here for more from Ms Boots.

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Image: Forward Moving

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