Searching for Alien Intelligence

By Christopher Booroff
Department of Physics and Astronomy, University College London, UK.

Theory

Searching for intelligent aliens is easy. Just construct a radio telescope, point it at some stars and listen for a signal. The hard part is actually succeeding. There are many problems that the modern alien-hunter encounters. These include signal strengths, terrestrial interference, relay times and knowing quite what it is that you are looking for.

In an ideal universe, some alien race will have built a transmitter so powerful that the resulting signal would be impossible to miss, picked a frequency that they know we will be listening to and devised a signal so unambiguous and so straight forward that even galactic-morons could understand it.

There are a number of current searches for extra-terrestrial intelligence that work on a highly scientific and reasonably well funded basis. This experiment, however, aims to adopt a slightly more original approach, in an attempt to be the first mission to actually record positive results. Therefore, a number of assumptions have been made. They are as follows…

1. Aliens never visit Earth during daylight hours, references can be made to every alien-featuring Hollywood movie ever made to prove this point. The assumption is that they will only attempt to communicate with us in any shape or form during the “local” night.

2. Aliens always attempt to contact “Billy-Joe Jr.” from Kentucky in person. All alien encounters or reports of such encounters have involved everyday members of the public, not telescope wielding scientists. It is therefore reasonable to assume that alien contact will be made in the frequencies that commercial radio operates at as these are the frequencies most accessible to Billy-Joe Jr.

3. Aliens are more likely to transmit a signal towards Earth while America is in their field of view. This is because virtually all reports of alien encounters have originated from North America, suggesting that this is the region the aliens are most interested in. Therefore, where possible, our radio telescopes should point in the direction of North America. Where more accurate pointing is possible, Kentucky.

4. Aliens will assume that we are galactic-morons. This is because they have either not yet picked up a signal transmitted from Earth (and assume us to be underdeveloped) or they will have picked up a signal transmitted from Earth (and consider us to be the dumbest planet in the Universe). Therefore their signal will be so strong and so clear that anyone will be able to hear it, even Billy-Joe Jr.

Figure 1. Alien hunting equipment. The stereo and minidisk player (left) and the aerials (right).

The experimental method

The receiving instrument used was a SONY sand AM aerials. Recordings were made using a SONY mini-disk player connected directly to the stereo system. Results were taken between 22:19:08 GMT and 02:16:44 GMT on the night between 19/11/2004 and 20/11/2004 (assumption 1).

Frequencies between and including 531 and 108000 kHz (assumption 2) were monitored from a westerly window at a location in South London, England (assumption 3). Frequencies were identified as suitable if the only signal immediately apparent was that of interference. Typical observation times per frequency were between five and fifteen minutes.

Results were then noted along with the parameters of the observation in Table 1. (only two entries are displayed, full table, available on request). No spectral analysis was applied to the recorded data as the alien signal is assumed to be sufficiently clear to be audible to the human ear (assumption 4).

The results of the experiment

“Da-duuur, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, deeeer, deeeer, deeeer, DA-DAAAAH”...

...sounds eerily similar to “Sunrise” by Richard Strauss, otherwise known as the theme tune to 2001: A Space Odyssey, that crackled hauntingly through my stereo while monitoring the 630 kHz wavelength at 23:07:05 on the 19th of November 2004. This is discovery we have all been waiting for. Isn’t it? Had I, a humble astronomer from England actually detected intelligent life outside our Solar System for the first time in history? Had millennia of evolution fine-tuned life billions of light years apart to produce the same piece of awe-inspiring music? No. I had leaned on the remote control and activated the CD function of the stereo, inadvertently playing the CD that had been left inside.

"Like all good radio astronomers I brushed the disappointment aside and continued the search."

Like all good radio astronomers I brushed the disappointment aside and continued the search. Regrettably all subsequent results proved negative.

There were, however, numerous incidences of variable interference and crackle that could be interpreted as signals. Sadly, these had to be discredited due to a lack of mathematical symmetry or where, in some cases, symmetry was observed but a necessary degree of complexity was not. These results are most likely to be a result of atmospheric variations.

The overall result of the experiment is that of a negative result which is in agreement with all recently published scientific reports of this nature. Which is a subtle way of saying, I failed, but so did everyone else. And I spent a lot less money!

Discussion of the results

The aim of the experiment, scientifically speaking, was to make contact with aliens. In this respect the experiment was a failure. However, hopefully it achieved secondary aims of mixing a bit of entertainment with a bit of an insight into the problems facing other such projects.

It is unrealistic to expect positive results from any project of this nature, regardless of funding and scientific expertise. It is really unlikely to expect positive results from this particular experiment. But if you don’t buy a ticket, you don’t win the lottery, even with the help of goldfish! (Dace et al. 2004).

With my metaphorical lottery ticket paid for and thrown in the bin, it does appear that not only did the jackpot elude me, but I didn’t even get a single number right. Indeed, the slight variations that I have detected with my equipment are almost certainly not an alien signal.

But the truth is, there could be a signal in there, I might just be too dumb to spot it. I could have five recorded the first ever Earth-bound alien transmission, and been too darn stupid to notice! Where was Billy-Joe Jr. when you needed him?

Of course, this is wishful thinking at its finest. But what about some un-wishful thinking? What if contact was made? What would it sound like, or more importantly, what would be said? What if it wasn’t what we wanted to hear? There are all kinds of catastrophic conversations that could take place. If you believe Hollywood, then they could leave you wishing you had never picked up the receiver in the first place.

Below is a list of the top five worst possible things you could hear when confronted with an alien in the flesh. Feel free to chuckle, but don’t come crying to us when it bites you, on the buttocks, or worse.

Top five things you don’t want to hear when confronted by aliens...

5. “We’re here about the spare room.”

4. “Which one of you morons has been prank
calling us?”

3. “Set phasers to impregnate!”

2. “78 parsec journeys leave me starving, do you have any six-foot sauce-pans?”

1. “Hi, I’m your blind date for the evening!”

Not everyone will agree that the five close encounters listed would necessarily be bad things. However, if you ask me, they represent reason enough to be glad that it’s Billy-Joe Jr. that the aliens are interested in, and not me!

“Naaa-nuu, Naaa-nuu.”

References

Dace, P., Bream, J. and Guppy, M. (2004). Poisson Distribution: Flush fish? The Journal of Unlikely Science 1 (2), 2-4.

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