Panda Decline Humans' Fault
Every week, the Null dissects the most self-evident studies and pointless papers not to hit the headlines. It's harsh, but funny. This week, Andrew Impey is sticking up for bears.
They may not be the most exciting of species with their conservative diet and their less than energetic lifestyle, but people the world over just love pandas. Despite our affection for this doey-eyed heavyweight, research at Cardiff University has concluded that the panda's decline can be directly linked to human activities.
We can only assume that it was something to do with destruction of seventy-five percent of their habitat, the disruption of their migration routes and widespread poaching that tipped them off.
But wait; before we write off our favourite fur-ball, there is still hope. The researchers predict that if we safeguard the panda's natural habitat and restore previously deforested areas, numbers will flourish once more.
This supposed bolt from the blue counters suggestions that pandas are at an 'evolutionary dead end'. Some researchers argue that panda populations will never recover from a seemingly inevitable extinction because they have a slow reproductive rate, isolated existence and the most boring diet known to man.However the Cardiff results suggest that, from an evolutionary perspective, there's no reason why pandas shouldn't keep on munching bamboo for generations to come. If left to their own devices, pandas will cope just fine.
More studies of the bleedin' obvious:
- You don't say - Adults baby-talk to babies
- Well blow me down - Wearing clothes can prevent sunburn
- Shiver me timbers - Teens likely to be a bit lazy
- Hold the press and gird your loins - The longer you spend in ambulances, the more likely you are to die
This article originally appeared in our regular column on the Daily Telegraph website.
Image: Kim Vilardi
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