It's Your Booty Call
By Hannah Isom
Busy 21st Century women will this week be breathing a collective sigh of relief, as Japanese phone company NTT DoCoMo launches a new mobile that can tell you when you’re ovulating!
By keying in the dates of their last menstruation, broody women everywhere can now be alerted when they are at their most fertile, presumably to the tune of some novelty, polyphonic TV theme or chart classic. How’s that for discrete?! This groundbreaking technology will hopefully ensure that women never again miss a chance to be a vessel for the seed of man.
It seems the new phone couldn’t have come at a better time, as Japan’s birth rate fell to an all time low of 1.25 children per woman in 2005. The team in the marketing department probably couldn’t believe their luck.
The phone has a number of other functions designed to appeal to women, such as a recipe database and a button on the side that set’s off a fake incoming call, or “camouflage melody” to provide a diversion from unwanted attention. It is unlikely women will have time to use any of these features though, as they will probably all be too busy doing the washing up and painting their nails.
There is no news yet as to whether NTT DoCoMo will be launching an equivalent handset for men, which could perform vital functions such as a reminder to scratch themselves and think about sex every 5 minutes.
To read more about Hannah or to view more of her articles click here.
Your Say
"Five minutes seems like a bit of a long time to me, and I'd expect the phone to do the scratching for me thank you very much!"
Chris Beckford
By keying in the dates of their last menstruation, broody women everywhere can now be alerted when they are at their most fertile, presumably to the tune of some novelty, polyphonic TV theme or chart classic. How’s that for discrete?! This groundbreaking technology will hopefully ensure that women never again miss a chance to be a vessel for the seed of man.
It seems the new phone couldn’t have come at a better time, as Japan’s birth rate fell to an all time low of 1.25 children per woman in 2005. The team in the marketing department probably couldn’t believe their luck.
The phone has a number of other functions designed to appeal to women, such as a recipe database and a button on the side that set’s off a fake incoming call, or “camouflage melody” to provide a diversion from unwanted attention. It is unlikely women will have time to use any of these features though, as they will probably all be too busy doing the washing up and painting their nails.
There is no news yet as to whether NTT DoCoMo will be launching an equivalent handset for men, which could perform vital functions such as a reminder to scratch themselves and think about sex every 5 minutes.
To read more about Hannah or to view more of her articles click here.
Image: SXC
Your Say
"Five minutes seems like a bit of a long time to me, and I'd expect the phone to do the scratching for me thank you very much!"
Chris Beckford
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