Nuclear Curry Science
By Mike Davis
Fast breeding nuclear reactors – those which create nuclear fuel at the same time as burning it – could be the next big thing in the nuclear industry. But, needing a bigger challenge, some scientists have turned their attention elsewhere. Notably, to that most English of foodstuffs – the curry.Having already successfully transmuted a quite bland Korma into a Madras, scientists at the Zoe Burton Research Institute are working flat out to beat their Australian counterparts to the Holy Grail of curry transmutation – Vindaloo.
In essence, the process is simple – the neutrons given off in nuclear fission can ‘breed’ additional fuel to create a kind of self-sustaining reaction. This idea can be applied to other industries, however, and could soon be taking British curry houses by storm.
The fuel, typically Phal (Phl-237) is placed in a containment vessel and surrounded by cylinders of Korma (Ko-235). An intermediate barrier (or moderator) of Raita is removed, allowing the Phal neutrons to bombard the Korma, thereby ‘enriching’ it.Critics cite, as an example of the dangers of such experiments, the events of 1987, in which students attempting to create their own DIY curry reactor in a bed-sit in Neasden, allowed the reaction to run out of control, burning through the living room floor and setting fire to the welsh dresser of their landlady in the kitchen below – the so-called, ‘China Syndrome’.
Improved legislation and modern safety techniques make the likelihood of such an event occurring again extremely unlikely; the potential for cheap and plentiful curry supplies will, in all probability, continue to outweigh the risks.
Real fast breeder nuclear reactors do exist - we might write an article about them one day as they're surprisingly interesting. In fact, why don't you write the article? I mean, if we can, so can you. Click to find out how to write for the Null.
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