It's Rhesus Negative
By Mike Davis
Some of mankind’s most trusted animal assistants are becoming disillusioned with their lot. Rhesus monkeys, stalwarts of medical research, space science and organ grinding, have started to demand better working conditions and pay deals, leading to a deep conflict with their human employers.
Traditionally finding employment in the sciences, rhesus monkeys have a reputation as innovative and creative thinkers. It was a team of rhesus monkeys that pioneered early research into human blood chemistry (the ‘Rh’ factor in blood-typing takes its name from them); and their experiments with rocket flight-control systems are well documented.
Unluckily, early attempts at space exploration, although initially promising, stalled in the 1960s when an otherwise successful moon-landing had to be aborted as the pilot was unable to tell anyone he was there.
Of course, not all rhesus monkeys embark on a scientific career. Many choose, instead, to enter the field of entertainment. They are often found in circuses and as organ-grinders assistants. And therein lies the problem.
Initially friendly, inquisitive and very laid-back, the monkeys’ dispositions deteriorate with age; escalating demands by older monkeys for improvements in working hours, accommodation-charge refunds and a clothing allowance have angered many employers.
“These f*cking monkeys never stop moaning,” says long-time organ operator Franz Dieter. “At first they’re all, ‘please give me a job, I’m a good monkey, I don’t need much.’ Then once they get to 9 or 10 years old, it’s, ‘I’m tired, I’m not coming in today, my cage is too small for entertaining friends, I want more money,’ and so on. I’m packing it in. They’ve brought it on themselves.”
In recent years the Rhesus Monkey Union (RhMU) has been viewed by humans as a tolerable, if unwanted, necessity. Due mainly to international controls on the export of small children from places such as India, the monkeys have, largely, had things their own way. If an organ-grinder needed an assistant he had only two real choices: marry, impregnate his spouse and grow the child to a useable age; or hire a macaque. Clearly, in terms of time and financial investment the rhesus was by far the best bet.
However, the monkeys have realised this and, with union backing, set about improving their lot. Embarking on such a path was bound to lead to resentment.
Strikes, walk-outs and a deliberately inconsistent winding action have all been used as bargaining chips by the monkeys in their ongoing mission to secure, what they see as, fairer treatment. Whilst many have indeed benefited, redundancies have increased exponentially and even hitherto staunch RhMU members now question the sense of such actions.
So, has this new breed of militant monkey pushed things too far? Current demands for increased pay and better conditions come at a time when robotic alternatives are becoming widely available and economically viable. Honda have now released their ‘Museum Curator’ model mechanoid and Sony already offer a range of intelligent, battery-powered animals. How long before the once-loved but now despised rhesus becomes totally redundant?
Another bunch of monkey from the Null:
- Top news - Chimps swing both ways
- Straight talking - Why Neanderthals were sexy
- Book review - Were our morals made by monkeys?
- Book review - Do animals have rights?
Traditionally finding employment in the sciences, rhesus monkeys have a reputation as innovative and creative thinkers. It was a team of rhesus monkeys that pioneered early research into human blood chemistry (the ‘Rh’ factor in blood-typing takes its name from them); and their experiments with rocket flight-control systems are well documented.
Unluckily, early attempts at space exploration, although initially promising, stalled in the 1960s when an otherwise successful moon-landing had to be aborted as the pilot was unable to tell anyone he was there.
Of course, not all rhesus monkeys embark on a scientific career. Many choose, instead, to enter the field of entertainment. They are often found in circuses and as organ-grinders assistants. And therein lies the problem.
Initially friendly, inquisitive and very laid-back, the monkeys’ dispositions deteriorate with age; escalating demands by older monkeys for improvements in working hours, accommodation-charge refunds and a clothing allowance have angered many employers.
“These f*cking monkeys never stop moaning,” says long-time organ operator Franz Dieter. “At first they’re all, ‘please give me a job, I’m a good monkey, I don’t need much.’ Then once they get to 9 or 10 years old, it’s, ‘I’m tired, I’m not coming in today, my cage is too small for entertaining friends, I want more money,’ and so on. I’m packing it in. They’ve brought it on themselves.”
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The Rhesus Thesis
Indigenous to India, parts of Afghanistan and China, and Indochina, an adult rhesus monkey (or ‘macaque’) may grow up to 63cm (25 inches) long, with a tail half as long again. Their skin sags in baggy folds around the neck, chest, and abdomen. Their hair is silky and yellowy brown with the skin a similar colour. If all else fails, they are readily identifiable by bright red, posterior callosities (or ‘arses’).
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In recent years the Rhesus Monkey Union (RhMU) has been viewed by humans as a tolerable, if unwanted, necessity. Due mainly to international controls on the export of small children from places such as India, the monkeys have, largely, had things their own way. If an organ-grinder needed an assistant he had only two real choices: marry, impregnate his spouse and grow the child to a useable age; or hire a macaque. Clearly, in terms of time and financial investment the rhesus was by far the best bet.
However, the monkeys have realised this and, with union backing, set about improving their lot. Embarking on such a path was bound to lead to resentment.
Strikes, walk-outs and a deliberately inconsistent winding action have all been used as bargaining chips by the monkeys in their ongoing mission to secure, what they see as, fairer treatment. Whilst many have indeed benefited, redundancies have increased exponentially and even hitherto staunch RhMU members now question the sense of such actions.
So, has this new breed of militant monkey pushed things too far? Current demands for increased pay and better conditions come at a time when robotic alternatives are becoming widely available and economically viable. Honda have now released their ‘Museum Curator’ model mechanoid and Sony already offer a range of intelligent, battery-powered animals. How long before the once-loved but now despised rhesus becomes totally redundant?
Another bunch of monkey from the Null:
- Top news - Chimps swing both ways
- Straight talking - Why Neanderthals were sexy
- Book review - Were our morals made by monkeys?
- Book review - Do animals have rights?
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