Christmas Nuts
In a famous survey, patients on a psychiatric emergency ward were quizzed about their feelings towards Christmas. Matt Gibson isn't convinced that people with psychological complaints make the best group to interview. He feels his friends give a much more insightful view of the onset of festive joy.
“Oh my God. I think I’m going to slash my wrists. I can’t cope with Christmas.”
Now, you might think that was a quote from one of the patients in Dr. Varadaraj Velamoor’s paper “Feelings about Christmas, as reported by psychiatric emergency patients.” In fact, it’s what my friend Susan said to me on Tuesday when I made the cruel observation that it would be Christmas Day in just a few days.
And that’s my problem with Velamoor’s paper. He seems to think that the 55 patients he surveyed in an emergency room over the Christmas holidays might have had atypical responses to Christmas. Well, I’ve got news for you, Doc.I think the majority of my (allegedly-sane) friends would “express negative feelings about Christmas.” In fact, in the last couple of weeks they’ve been quite vocal on the point, very willing indeed to rant about how it’s all a depressing, hideous consumerist mess, rife with bad TV and manic shopping depression.
About the only difference between them and Velamoor’s psychiatric patients is that they didn’t wait for a scientist to shove a clipboard in their faces before they shared their feelings. Some of them, frankly, have been quite difficult to stop once they’ve gotten going.
Well, D’uh
Velamoor’s respondents variously listed depression, stress, loneliness, and financial worries as their negative Christmas feelings. I believe the scientific response to this observation is a carefully calculated, “Well, d’uh.” Hands up anyone who’s not feeling one of those a fortnight from Christmas? Anyone? Anyone?
I’ve got to credit Velamoor’s survey team with bravery, though. I just tried to interview my colleagues about their feelings towards Christmas and was threatened variously with defenestration, crucifixion, and having a Christmas tree inserted somewhere that would make an angel blush. I wouldn’t have fancied my chances asking the same thing down at the local casualty department. Not unless I was sure everyone had been searched for turkey basters and carving knives, anyway.
Fairytale Ending
Then again, Velamoor’s patients seem a remarkably respectable Christmas crowd. Only 32.7% of them reported problems with substance abuse. What? At Christmas? A lot more than 32.7% of my office are currently down the pub with the stated intention of drinking until they reach the stage of wanting to photocopy their backsides whilst wearing fluffy antlers and singing Fairytale of New York. That certainly counts as substance abuse in my book.
But it’s Christmas, and I shouldn’t be uncharitable. Velamoor’s intention is to help emergency services plan for the holidays, making sure that as few people hit their breaking point as possible. His advice is to put support in place so that people don’t end up in the emergency room in the first place.That’s a good idea. There’s but a fragile wrapping of tissue-paper between madness and sanity, and it’s particularly thin at Christmas. Any of us could be in danger. I mean, how sane is anyone who puts on a paper hat and eats something that’s been stuffed up a turkey’s backside in order to celebrate the birth of a bloke from a couple of millennia ago who was the son of a deity that Richard Dawkins assures us doesn’t exist? If Dicky was the triage nurse at the local nuthouse, which side of the wire would you end up on?
More from Matt?
Or how about one of these Christmas crackers?
- Duh! - Last minute gifts suck
- Yummy - Null's got Christmas all trussed up
- Fun - Retro toys make the best presents
- Nutty - Quantum Santa
Image: Scott Adams
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