Found: Dark Matter
Russ Wills has found some dark matter. But to prove it, he needs several million pounds worth of funding, to pay for a beach research facility and some bikini clad assistants... Would you give him the dosh? Read the project summary below, or click here to view the full grant application.
Project Summary
Dark matter is believed to comprise the vast majority of mass in the known universe. Although it cannot be seen or detected by existing instruments, its existence would explain two of the paradoxes of the universe that have perplexed the greatest minds of physics for decades: why is the universe expanding at an ever increasing rate and, more importantly, why do people leave empty booze bottles on the beach? The proposed research will focus on answering the latter question.
I have conducted some preliminary experiments and observed that people who bring glass bottles to the beach are unable to collect the empties before returning home. Something must be making them too heavy to lift by normal human strength. I propose that this "something" is the something that scientists have long been searching for, and to investigate the matter further I will require a research grant of several million pounds. This will be used primarily to construct a four bedroom, three bathroom beach research facility, but also for the remuneration of three top quality and extremely (physically) fit research assistants... Continue reading the full grant application here.
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